just stop it!!!!!!!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! i hate people who cant stand to see other people happy!!!

STOP RAINING ON MY PARADE!!!!

some people have everything they want so ud think that wud make them happy to see other people happy, but oh no!! no they cant they're just jealous selfish cows!!!!

i wish i could just leave i swear, i wish i didn have a concience, then id show them! but now i just gotta put up with this shit all of the time! people are evil, im so mad i just wana scream at them! but i cnt do tht either, stupid stupid bloody concience.

why is it other people when they r angry always say the thing tht really hurts, but no matter how angry i get i just cnt cross that line!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you know u support people, u help them and then they gturn atound and bloody make your life a misery!

i hate these shackles im in!!!! but maybe no situation will ever be better, maybe we will always be duty bound by someone. there will always be some bloody person making ur life a misery, i guess thts how this stupid world works!!!!

maybe i shud giv up on all people and just run away to a desert island! aaaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i hate hypocrytical selfsih mean spirited cows!

The past, the present and the future....

sometimes it seems like the past the present and the future all start to blur. I wish to leave my past in the past, but shaytan has his own plan and keeps dragging it back up. I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed shaytan.

the world is small, and oh how i wish it were bigger. anyway i think the best thing is to try and not dwell on these things. Onwards and upwards inshAllah ta'ala.

Ramadan is here subhanAllah. I can feel it in the air, things feel different, the shayateen are being locked up! the joy this brings me, the joy that i feel and graitude to Allah for allowing me to reach this blessed month, how many people last eid took it for granted that they would be here for this one, and are actually in that place, in barzak, in the dark and alone. Oh Allah please have mercy upon their souls, Ya Allah please have mercy upon my dada and dadi, widen their graves and fill it with noor Ya Rahman ya Rabby!

I was listening to a talk by Anwar Aw Laki may Allah bless him in this life and the next. He was saying that we are now in a time that is most close in reseblance to the time of the prophet saw, as we have reached the lowest period, the whole world seems to be waging war on Islam but this also means we are close to victory inshAllah. This means that we have parts to play, big parts coming up for us. we need to be ready, are we ready? its so easy to get down by the state of the world now, but it's in the bad times that Allah gives us a great gift. We are given the opportunity to really show Allah that we believe, that no matter how tested we are we will not turn away from our faith. This is the time when we can DO!

Oh my Lord do not let me be on the sidelines of what ever it is that comes, Oh Allah let me be among those that aid the muslims into victory. Ameen

sometimes i wondered if i would ever feel this way.....

Alhamdulillah I have so much to be grateful for. I am really happy, not excited ecstatic happy but true inner happy. Life in this dunya will never be perfect, we will never have it all, i dont have it all, however i can truly say that i am happy. Alhamdulillah!

my PGCE which should be renamed slavedriving nightmare is over. And now i can enjoy my life which is truly wonderful, sharier has made me happier than i could have ever imagined. Only i know how truly lucky i am to have found him. I spend my days playing with Alisha and lookin after my ayaan. I actually get to have conversations with my family instead of rushin to my room to do lesson plannin. I know longer hate my self for over eating and gettin fat, im on a healthy diet and exercising, inshAllah i can keep it up.

I still get bogged down wiht details sometimes ofcusing on thing sthat go wrong, but its difficult to remain cross or upset by anything when so much is goin well by the blessings of Allah.

So often i use this space to complain and talk about how miserable i am, so its only fair that i use it at times when i am truly blessed as well.

I pray that everyone may feel this way.

There really were times hwen i thought that i was jsut a miserable person. Asking my slef why i couldnt just be happy, i got scared that i would always find something to be unhappy about, but mashAllah i know now i was wrong.

Who knows where life will lead me, all i know is rihgt now i have so much to be grateful for, so much to thank Allah for.

to blog or not to blog????

so like u kaify i have laso been very neglectful of my blogm but i now feel inspired by urs and zzzeee's posts!
in 3 weeks i finish the PGCE, i feel sick i havnt even sat my QTS tests. oh btw i feel sick coz its still so stressful not coz im gonna be finsihed. i cant wait to finish wooooop!!!
so the best thign thats happened since i last blogged is my future husband inshAllah. Just a quick gush i promise, hes wonderful and lovely and not afraid to ge tof his aisen ass and go somewhere for the skae of his deen Alhamdulillah.
Yup i did it, I found the impossible and it ws only possible because of the One who faces no impossibilities! Hes bengali, practicing, educated, and wants to travel!!!! He's also lovely did i mention that???? well he is. Anyway im gonna stop before u all puke!
The other reaosn i guess i havnt been blogging is coz of facebook.
SO - dilemna, well actually i have a few which i thought i should share. Well coz nothings been decided upon my marriage stuff i dont knwo where im gonna b next yr! becuase of that i cnt apply for jobs, which mena sim joblesss, how sad is that?
Also im skint, i need to wokr this summe,r but it feels so sad to b a qualified teacher and wrk in a call centre! But hwere else cna i get a job for the summer. yous think having a dad who wons all these restaurants means id never have 2 worry about work, but i do! Women dnt work in the indian restaurant, plus obviously alcohol issues!
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
man im suppose to be planning!! aaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhh 30 kids, oh my days 30 of the brattiest childrne known to man kind r all gonna b waiting for me on monday and i ahvnt planned their lessons. They gonna eat me alive!
serious i wudn put it past these childrne to do that.
the whole school is like a zoo!

oh i nearly forgot to tell u that im in pain!! PAIN!!!my wisdom tooth got infected and its the most terrible pain in the world!!
its awful and the natibiotics i got taste rank! they r so disgusting and they not coated by the lvoely invention PLASTIC!and this morning i ws sick coz of all the tablets me body is taking in!yuck!

ohhhhhhhhh and i miss all my uni friends :( kaifa hope u throwin that party soon! wana catch up wid every1. z ur coming to england soon ryt??
lets all get together serious!!!!!!!!!!!!

wow wot a long re-intorduction to the world of blogging.