are we always waiting for the next stage of our life to begin?when we get to high school......i cant wait for college................as soon as uni starts.............when i get a job.........waiting to get married.....to have kids............to get old...............what if we keep waiting, waiting and then it ends?bam gone.
all that time we were waiting we wasted, rather than waiting for the future why dont we make use of the now......except all the 'when i do this ill be like this' and 'im just wating for this then i can do this, or be like that' seeps up our preciouse scarce time.
i spend so much of my life daydreaming, dreaming about what could be, when i could never know when only the ONE knows. all this specualtion, such a waste of time, productivity lays by the wayside, and procrastination engulfs and consumes like a tidal wave up and over, before you know it lost!
even now all this contemplation but no action, where is the action?will it only ever be words, thoughts hopes and aspirations?
i hope not but who knows..........
Wednesday, 17 October 2007
Sunday, 14 October 2007
PGCE
i started my primary PGCE in september, wasnt to keen on doing it really, but there you go. uni is intereting, alot of work!!!!but then i started my first placement!and oh my gosh i just love it, its sooo amazing, it combines my most favourite things in thw world. helping people, kids and playing!!!!!!!!!!!!!its like the most perfect job ever. i mean kids they so fascinating, they never fail to amaze me, i love teaching them, like when they dont understand something, you just need to take a bit of time out and approach it form a different angle!90% of the time its just a confidence issue, like theres no intelligence problem they just get nervous or sumit and then shut down. u just have to give them their confidence back and ta-daaaaaaaaaaaaa they get it!!!and they sooooooooooooooooo cute, and they call me miss choudhury!!!!!!!!!!awwwwwwwwwwwww.
thats quite enough gushin.
happy eid everyone!hope all ur ramadan went well, and Allah accepts all your fasts and ibaadat!
thats quite enough gushin.
happy eid everyone!hope all ur ramadan went well, and Allah accepts all your fasts and ibaadat!
Friday, 28 September 2007
there she went....
three weeks ago today passed away my dadi, jamrunessa choudhury,i only learnt what her name was a few months ago to me she was just my dadi. Sometimes it feels like so long ago when i sat by her bed knowing i was witnessing her last moments in this dunya, and at times i still cant believe it happened.
my dadi was not your average gran, for starters her sari never manged to sit the way it was supposed to, her hijab within minutes of putting it on managed to turn upside down with the safety pin hovering somewhere near her eyes! she would give us ice cream for breakfast whenever my mum wasnt there, walk us to the corner shop everyday for sweets or the beach! and instead of greeting us with the traditinal asalamu alaykum you hear from most old people we got ' hi !' and a big toothless grin.
she was so so beautiful, apparently my dada fell madly in love with her the moment he set eyes on her, i still dont get the union. my dada was the bengali version of amita bachan!handsom tall elegant and so so smart. you would never see a crease in his clothes or a single strand of hair misplaced on his head. my dadi was the exact opposite her whole life. her hair coming out all over the place, upside down hijab and second hand clothes, no matter how much money she was given!
she had a dream, she wanted to see the hollywood sign, we took her to america and she walked faster and futher than any of us, and she got to see her beloved hollywood sign, did she even know what it was??but that was my dadi, no fear, adventurous and full of energy especially when it came to her grandchildren. she was never to tired to jump up and down wiht us while doing zikr, she sang nusery rhyms with the younger kids, her own version of 'wind the bobbin'
and then she was admitted to hospitcal on the evening of the 31st July suffering from a heart attack. who would have guessed, the weeks leading up to the heart attack she was walking between my house and my anuty's 2-3 times a day, playing with her great grand daughter, laughing and talking. on the day of her heart attack i found her climbing the furniture so she could undo the top lock on our conservatory door. even after the attack in the hospital she was fine! you couldnt even tell she was ill. the other patients complaing coz she was singing in the night! she always did that made up songs about whatever she was thinking.
subhanAllah!she died at 9:40 on September the 7th leaving her whole family in shock. i sat by her bedside, by beloved beauitful happy dadi, repeating the shahada over and over again in her ear, and every now and then slipping in the words i loved to tell her 'i love you dadi'. and in her left ear my hufu reciting yasine with such a melody. both of us doing our best not to break down, we couldnt let her down not when she needed us most.
then came the janzah ghusl, we needed to prepare her for her meeting with her Lord. as a child i use to make my dadi promise she would be the one who would do my makeup and hair on my wedding day, instead i got to dress her on her final day. i just make dua to Allah that we did it o.k.
then came the day of the janaza, when they took her away, when i watched my dad, my uncles and my brothers carry their beloved from her home for the final time. watching them doing what i knew i could never do, tears straming down their faces. After the burial my 7 year old ever so shy cousin recited yasine over her. the choudhury clan, we're all loud and boisterous, not yusuf he's so quiet and shy, but Allah gave him the strength that day to recite infront of hundreds for the sake of his nani. and then...they left her there. there where someday we will all go. and if we're lucky like my dadi we'll have all our children and grandchildren around us reciting the most perfect words of la ilaha illallah.
now my dad has no parents and i have no paternal grandparents, but inshAllah they have Allah. and the Most Merciful has granted them mercy, He has widened their graves filled it with noor, and given them a window to jannah, for He is Ar-Rahman and Ar-Raheem.Ameen
my dadi was not your average gran, for starters her sari never manged to sit the way it was supposed to, her hijab within minutes of putting it on managed to turn upside down with the safety pin hovering somewhere near her eyes! she would give us ice cream for breakfast whenever my mum wasnt there, walk us to the corner shop everyday for sweets or the beach! and instead of greeting us with the traditinal asalamu alaykum you hear from most old people we got ' hi !' and a big toothless grin.
she was so so beautiful, apparently my dada fell madly in love with her the moment he set eyes on her, i still dont get the union. my dada was the bengali version of amita bachan!handsom tall elegant and so so smart. you would never see a crease in his clothes or a single strand of hair misplaced on his head. my dadi was the exact opposite her whole life. her hair coming out all over the place, upside down hijab and second hand clothes, no matter how much money she was given!
she had a dream, she wanted to see the hollywood sign, we took her to america and she walked faster and futher than any of us, and she got to see her beloved hollywood sign, did she even know what it was??but that was my dadi, no fear, adventurous and full of energy especially when it came to her grandchildren. she was never to tired to jump up and down wiht us while doing zikr, she sang nusery rhyms with the younger kids, her own version of 'wind the bobbin'
and then she was admitted to hospitcal on the evening of the 31st July suffering from a heart attack. who would have guessed, the weeks leading up to the heart attack she was walking between my house and my anuty's 2-3 times a day, playing with her great grand daughter, laughing and talking. on the day of her heart attack i found her climbing the furniture so she could undo the top lock on our conservatory door. even after the attack in the hospital she was fine! you couldnt even tell she was ill. the other patients complaing coz she was singing in the night! she always did that made up songs about whatever she was thinking.
subhanAllah!she died at 9:40 on September the 7th leaving her whole family in shock. i sat by her bedside, by beloved beauitful happy dadi, repeating the shahada over and over again in her ear, and every now and then slipping in the words i loved to tell her 'i love you dadi'. and in her left ear my hufu reciting yasine with such a melody. both of us doing our best not to break down, we couldnt let her down not when she needed us most.
then came the janzah ghusl, we needed to prepare her for her meeting with her Lord. as a child i use to make my dadi promise she would be the one who would do my makeup and hair on my wedding day, instead i got to dress her on her final day. i just make dua to Allah that we did it o.k.
then came the day of the janaza, when they took her away, when i watched my dad, my uncles and my brothers carry their beloved from her home for the final time. watching them doing what i knew i could never do, tears straming down their faces. After the burial my 7 year old ever so shy cousin recited yasine over her. the choudhury clan, we're all loud and boisterous, not yusuf he's so quiet and shy, but Allah gave him the strength that day to recite infront of hundreds for the sake of his nani. and then...they left her there. there where someday we will all go. and if we're lucky like my dadi we'll have all our children and grandchildren around us reciting the most perfect words of la ilaha illallah.
now my dad has no parents and i have no paternal grandparents, but inshAllah they have Allah. and the Most Merciful has granted them mercy, He has widened their graves filled it with noor, and given them a window to jannah, for He is Ar-Rahman and Ar-Raheem.Ameen
Sunday, 29 July 2007
i finally quit my job!!!
so i finally quit my job!woop! im so excited tomorrow is my first official day of freedom i dunno what im gonna do wiht my self!!!!????
hmmmm thinking sleep in ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sleep how i love sleep, and then spend the day studying my beautiful deen i cant wait. actually the one good thing about ym job was that i got to read so much!coz it wsnt busy and im an expert at dossing and getting outa doing any work i got through so many books. but im really behind on my notes from the islamic classes i attend so will catch up with those.
strt uni in just over a month, i know the PGCE wont leave any spare time so need to cram in as much islamic stuff as possible now. my tajweed is going so slow man, im doing it wiht my freind and when we get together we just chat its soooooooo bad. ADVICE never get lessons forkm friends actually try and find someone u dislike then ul get loads done me thinks!
i read the last ever harry potter, i stood like all the other geeks in the world out side of asda in the cold for over half an hour at midnight waitng to get my book!it ws soooooooo exciting and soooooooo sad, oh my gosh the closer i got to getting the book the sadder i became, i mean this was the end of harry potter, i had no more to look foward to this really was it! i felt so so sad, and the book it was so dark so many deaths, i cried so hard in some parts. i finished it by satrday at 5! but not to fear ive deicded to re-read the whole series. ive finished 2 and 3 and just half way through number 4!actually i need to go now and read it its so exciting, harry just got picked for the triqizard championship!
hmmmm thinking sleep in ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sleep how i love sleep, and then spend the day studying my beautiful deen i cant wait. actually the one good thing about ym job was that i got to read so much!coz it wsnt busy and im an expert at dossing and getting outa doing any work i got through so many books. but im really behind on my notes from the islamic classes i attend so will catch up with those.
strt uni in just over a month, i know the PGCE wont leave any spare time so need to cram in as much islamic stuff as possible now. my tajweed is going so slow man, im doing it wiht my freind and when we get together we just chat its soooooooo bad. ADVICE never get lessons forkm friends actually try and find someone u dislike then ul get loads done me thinks!
i read the last ever harry potter, i stood like all the other geeks in the world out side of asda in the cold for over half an hour at midnight waitng to get my book!it ws soooooooo exciting and soooooooo sad, oh my gosh the closer i got to getting the book the sadder i became, i mean this was the end of harry potter, i had no more to look foward to this really was it! i felt so so sad, and the book it was so dark so many deaths, i cried so hard in some parts. i finished it by satrday at 5! but not to fear ive deicded to re-read the whole series. ive finished 2 and 3 and just half way through number 4!actually i need to go now and read it its so exciting, harry just got picked for the triqizard championship!
Thursday, 12 July 2007
islam vs family!!!!
asalaam my dear sisters in Islam,
o.k so here goes the whinging session!! te whole 3 years i was in manchetser all i could think about was coming home, the bliss that would be ebing home!
oh my gosh living home is sooooooo hard, im so used ot having my own freedom these people r driving me insane. i feel like theres a constant battle between me practicing my deen and pleasing my family. i work fullk time stupid shifts likee 11-7 so all the things i have to do have to be done after i finsh work. so basically im out the house alot! but when im out im at a study circle or planning for a study circle or holding one, or having a tajweed class or sitting wiht my friends very respectably in thier houses, so why do people have a problem??
my family think im gonna turn in to an extremist and go detonating things!as if???? when people say that to me it makes my blood boil, as if i would ever be like that? they my family do they not know me?
i dont know...........ut on the flip side is that i do have all these islamic things happening in my life, Allah has truly blessed me with so many amazing opportunities, and also if i really think about it my family are a blessing aswel, the fact that i have to struggle for my deen only increases my love for it.
i guesss theres alot to ponder over..........................
o.k so here goes the whinging session!! te whole 3 years i was in manchetser all i could think about was coming home, the bliss that would be ebing home!
oh my gosh living home is sooooooo hard, im so used ot having my own freedom these people r driving me insane. i feel like theres a constant battle between me practicing my deen and pleasing my family. i work fullk time stupid shifts likee 11-7 so all the things i have to do have to be done after i finsh work. so basically im out the house alot! but when im out im at a study circle or planning for a study circle or holding one, or having a tajweed class or sitting wiht my friends very respectably in thier houses, so why do people have a problem??
my family think im gonna turn in to an extremist and go detonating things!as if???? when people say that to me it makes my blood boil, as if i would ever be like that? they my family do they not know me?
i dont know...........ut on the flip side is that i do have all these islamic things happening in my life, Allah has truly blessed me with so many amazing opportunities, and also if i really think about it my family are a blessing aswel, the fact that i have to struggle for my deen only increases my love for it.
i guesss theres alot to ponder over..........................
Saturday, 23 June 2007
full time work?????????????
i just need to mention here that really, i was not created to work! i was created to be a lady of leisure, with diamonds and rubys and pearls adorning my hands! oh my gosh, so i could talk my way into anything, and recently its got into more truble than good!
i applied for a job with BT as technical support, when i told my family and friends they all bursed out laughing, i am the most untechnical person ever!
but anyway i sounded so confident in my interview the idiots gave me the job didnt they!!so as iv just baught a new car i had to take it to pay the rents back for it! sometimes when the trainers speaking i think shes talking in another language
firstly out of 30 trainess theres 3 girls! all the boys have like done I.T degrees or spent most of thier life wokring in i.t shops and stuff!theyr all sitting them umming and arring while the trainer speaks, and im sitting there looking completely lost. thats when i actually manage to listen to the gobodygook coming ut of her mouth, most of the time i just switch off and start to day dream about lying on a beautiful beach in figi!
i feel so sorry for the poor buggers who ring up the premium rate number coz their broadband breaks and get me on the phone!lol!
i havnt even talked about my beautiful new car yet. well...its beauitful its sooooo cute its the new nissan micra shape, like a bluey purple and its sooo cute!its not new like 3 years old but it sooooooooo cute, have i mentioned that yet???oh ym god i only had it 3 weeks and i already crashed it!theres like a whole in the fornt of the car!!!i told my fmaily i have no idea how it happened though. never mind its still oh so pretty
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
i applied for a job with BT as technical support, when i told my family and friends they all bursed out laughing, i am the most untechnical person ever!
but anyway i sounded so confident in my interview the idiots gave me the job didnt they!!so as iv just baught a new car i had to take it to pay the rents back for it! sometimes when the trainers speaking i think shes talking in another language
firstly out of 30 trainess theres 3 girls! all the boys have like done I.T degrees or spent most of thier life wokring in i.t shops and stuff!theyr all sitting them umming and arring while the trainer speaks, and im sitting there looking completely lost. thats when i actually manage to listen to the gobodygook coming ut of her mouth, most of the time i just switch off and start to day dream about lying on a beautiful beach in figi!
i feel so sorry for the poor buggers who ring up the premium rate number coz their broadband breaks and get me on the phone!lol!
i havnt even talked about my beautiful new car yet. well...its beauitful its sooooo cute its the new nissan micra shape, like a bluey purple and its sooo cute!its not new like 3 years old but it sooooooooo cute, have i mentioned that yet???oh ym god i only had it 3 weeks and i already crashed it!theres like a whole in the fornt of the car!!!i told my fmaily i have no idea how it happened though. never mind its still oh so pretty
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Friday, 15 June 2007
this beautiful ummah
I've been re-reading the seerah of our prophet (s) recently, and i now this prob sounds so obviose and it is but i guess i dont contemplate about it much, but our prophet (s) subhanAllah was the most amazing amazing beautiful man, his wisdom his kindness and most of all his unfaltering, unfailing belief in Allah make him the most perfect man to have walked this eart, and guess what girlies we, WE are apart of HIS ummah. i mean lets take me for examle, i'm really really just nothing, i mean theres this whole universe and im pretty much an insignificant as insignificant gets yet I AM APART OF THIS PROPHETS (S) ummah, Alhamdulillah, in some way i, we are connected to this man. i just find that simultaneously so mind boggling and humbling. our beloved nabi cried for hours and hours on his prayer mat for US, me and you, he (s) cared for us, all these thoughts just leave me feeling in such awe, such utter awe and appreciation, Allah blesses us in sooooooo many ways, ways that perhaps we'll never even realise, I just make dua that Allah helps us to attain His pleasure, for really what is their worth anything other than the pleasure of our Creator?
you know what else i've been thinking about, not only are we so so blessed for being apart of our prophets (s) ummah but Allah has blessed us so greatly for being apart of this ummah because it means that all the Muslims are united by this common bond, and knowing that we are apart of one body increases our love for one anther. Muslims they care for each other, they do things to help each other just because they are Muslims. its like a normal person can only count on their nearest and dearest for support for protection. but allah has blessed us with a whole nation for a family, for support and for protection. when i see another Muslim my heart immediatly just opens up to them and i feel affection for that person, and its vice versa, as a sister if your walking down the street by yourself you might feel scared, but the moment you realise there is another Muslim also walking near by even if you do not know that person you instantly feel safer. i love being apart of this ummah, i pray that Allah makes me worthy of my truly blessed position, that we dont forget to be grateful for such a gift, that Allah increases our love for one another and that Allah strengthens and unifies this ummah so that we may serve Him better. Ameen.
you know what else i've been thinking about, not only are we so so blessed for being apart of our prophets (s) ummah but Allah has blessed us so greatly for being apart of this ummah because it means that all the Muslims are united by this common bond, and knowing that we are apart of one body increases our love for one anther. Muslims they care for each other, they do things to help each other just because they are Muslims. its like a normal person can only count on their nearest and dearest for support for protection. but allah has blessed us with a whole nation for a family, for support and for protection. when i see another Muslim my heart immediatly just opens up to them and i feel affection for that person, and its vice versa, as a sister if your walking down the street by yourself you might feel scared, but the moment you realise there is another Muslim also walking near by even if you do not know that person you instantly feel safer. i love being apart of this ummah, i pray that Allah makes me worthy of my truly blessed position, that we dont forget to be grateful for such a gift, that Allah increases our love for one another and that Allah strengthens and unifies this ummah so that we may serve Him better. Ameen.
Saturday, 2 June 2007
the truth of the life of this world.
i would like to start with bismillahi Rahmani Rahim,
Trials and tribulations come to us by the mery of The Most Merciful. whether we expect them or not whether we anticipate them or not, they will come our way. In it is a great belssing, for Allah is giving us a chance to prove out faith. for what is faith if it is not tested?
so i say subhan'Allah, may Allah keep testig us so as to remind us that truly this world is not for the believers, that this world is nothing but illusions. May we always remember that our time is to come, that it is the akhira where we truly belong it is the akhira that our souls truly crave.
events of sadness or betrayal may come to pass, but we should always remember that we are only the hunble slaves of Allah, bittrness, backbiting or slander will get us no where. for Allah is The Most Just, and justice should be left to Him in Whose hand lies my sould, lies our soul.
let us not allow for any circumstance to change our hearts. if we allow it life can turn us bitter or hard hearted, but may Allah keep our hearts ever beautiful, soft and trusting. let us not be chnaged but let us become aware. whilst we should always endeaver to remain hopeful and optimistic, we should always face up to the reality of this dunya and it's inhabitants.
to do our best to save ourself from hurt and pain but levae the rest to Almighty Allah, and pray for His infinite mercy and a place in Jannah.
Subhan'Allah Allah you truly are my Creater and my Sustainer, please keep sustaining me through this tiresome world, and take me from it when it is for my best. Ameen.
Trials and tribulations come to us by the mery of The Most Merciful. whether we expect them or not whether we anticipate them or not, they will come our way. In it is a great belssing, for Allah is giving us a chance to prove out faith. for what is faith if it is not tested?
so i say subhan'Allah, may Allah keep testig us so as to remind us that truly this world is not for the believers, that this world is nothing but illusions. May we always remember that our time is to come, that it is the akhira where we truly belong it is the akhira that our souls truly crave.
events of sadness or betrayal may come to pass, but we should always remember that we are only the hunble slaves of Allah, bittrness, backbiting or slander will get us no where. for Allah is The Most Just, and justice should be left to Him in Whose hand lies my sould, lies our soul.
let us not allow for any circumstance to change our hearts. if we allow it life can turn us bitter or hard hearted, but may Allah keep our hearts ever beautiful, soft and trusting. let us not be chnaged but let us become aware. whilst we should always endeaver to remain hopeful and optimistic, we should always face up to the reality of this dunya and it's inhabitants.
to do our best to save ourself from hurt and pain but levae the rest to Almighty Allah, and pray for His infinite mercy and a place in Jannah.
Subhan'Allah Allah you truly are my Creater and my Sustainer, please keep sustaining me through this tiresome world, and take me from it when it is for my best. Ameen.
Tuesday, 29 May 2007
uncertainty
at some point i will write aboutn hapier things. you know what i feel so stressed right now i cant even write, subhanAllah! i just want some one to shoot tranquelizers in to my butt or sumit! so that i may sleep for a few days, or wes or months, until my lide can settle!im neihter here nor there, i want i crave i need stability, certainty and assurance!!!!!
signed
desperate muslimah
signed
desperate muslimah
Monday, 21 May 2007
Remembrance and Prayer by Al Ghazali
'Allah revealed to His creation an ordered way of life, they chose for themselves chaos instead. Allah commanded and prohibited not for His benefit, but rather in the interest of mankind. Yet people have ignored their obligation, forgotten their Lord, and legislated for themselves. All to what end, if not to saddle themselves with hunger and fear?'
thought this was really insihgtful, and a good way to explain to non Muslims when they ask 'why does God allow bad things ot happen' or for when Muslim ask 'why there are so many rules in Islam'
May we all benefit from such knowledge, and May Allah bless Al-ghazali and elevate his position in jannah.
thought this was really insihgtful, and a good way to explain to non Muslims when they ask 'why does God allow bad things ot happen' or for when Muslim ask 'why there are so many rules in Islam'
May we all benefit from such knowledge, and May Allah bless Al-ghazali and elevate his position in jannah.
my exams are NOT finished!
oh my gosh my exams are so not finished, but im acting as if they are somebody shoot me!!!
after my rediculously hard arabic exam i went home for the weekend as i had nto seen the rents in like 6 weeks!
it was lovely my parents were so happy to see me, my dad just stared at me with a big grin for like 10 seconds beofre he hugged me, and my mum was beaming that her daughter had completed a degree, i had to gently remind her that it wasnt quite over!bless!!!
but my baby is still in New York so home was not as fun as normal, im missing her like crazy and she's getting bossier and louder by the day!she's gonna be such a handful when she gets home and i cant wait, naughty baby's are so much more fun than good ones!but my sister has given everyone strict instruction not to leave the baby with me coz i'll spoil her further. they so mean they gonna be strict wiht her when she comes back, dont they know that she's THE baby and she can have and do what ever she wants!shes not used to being told off oh my heart hurts at the thought of it!i love you leesh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think im gonna cry!
back in smelly manchester, actually secretly i think i love it, i was homesick for manchester when i was home in non smelly newcastle!i missed ayesha and zohra and misba, oh my soul buddies, i did not miss my flat coz that just really smells, but uni life here has taught me so much and made laugh so much, but apparenlty laughing destroys your souls, spiritually speaking, i will be so sad if thats true, laughing and generally over reacting is what i am!!
anyway this is getting to long, im really supposed to be studying i have to at least pretend to study!
mwah xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
after my rediculously hard arabic exam i went home for the weekend as i had nto seen the rents in like 6 weeks!
it was lovely my parents were so happy to see me, my dad just stared at me with a big grin for like 10 seconds beofre he hugged me, and my mum was beaming that her daughter had completed a degree, i had to gently remind her that it wasnt quite over!bless!!!
but my baby is still in New York so home was not as fun as normal, im missing her like crazy and she's getting bossier and louder by the day!she's gonna be such a handful when she gets home and i cant wait, naughty baby's are so much more fun than good ones!but my sister has given everyone strict instruction not to leave the baby with me coz i'll spoil her further. they so mean they gonna be strict wiht her when she comes back, dont they know that she's THE baby and she can have and do what ever she wants!shes not used to being told off oh my heart hurts at the thought of it!i love you leesh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i think im gonna cry!
back in smelly manchester, actually secretly i think i love it, i was homesick for manchester when i was home in non smelly newcastle!i missed ayesha and zohra and misba, oh my soul buddies, i did not miss my flat coz that just really smells, but uni life here has taught me so much and made laugh so much, but apparenlty laughing destroys your souls, spiritually speaking, i will be so sad if thats true, laughing and generally over reacting is what i am!!
anyway this is getting to long, im really supposed to be studying i have to at least pretend to study!
mwah xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Saturday, 21 April 2007
'lovely jubley' quotes! (that ones by del boy)
Everything I do has a purpose, all of God's beings have a purpose. Others may know pleasure, but pleasure is not happiness. It has no more importance than a shadow following a man. Muhammed Ali
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.
Muhammad Ali
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
H. L. Mencken
Then, must you speakOf one that loved not wisely but too well; Othello
Sometimes, I guess there's just not enough rocks. Forrest gump
wrong is wrong even if everybody is doing it,
right is righteven if nobody is doing it
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.
Muhammad Ali
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
H. L. Mencken
Then, must you speakOf one that loved not wisely but too well; Othello
Sometimes, I guess there's just not enough rocks. Forrest gump
wrong is wrong even if everybody is doing it,
right is righteven if nobody is doing it
Thursday, 12 April 2007
ice skating
i went ice skating, it was so much fun, even more fun than i remebered!i havnt been in too many years to count.
and yes i fell! TWICE! and it hurt, oh so bad but falling is part of the fun!the first time i fell within minutes of descending upon the ice, ryt on my bottom, but lucky for me it was a cushioned fall, so not to bad, but my hands hurt alot!
second time was completely not my fault, was helping one of the cuzins to skate and gave her strict instructions that if she were to fall she must, i repeat MUST let go of my hand and not take me down with her!this was not a war situation i felt no need to try and save her at my own risk!
but did she listen? no!
she fell flat on her back and while i was trying not to fall backwards with her lent foward and lost my balance and lay on my face!
ah the site! but agen all a part of the fun!
anyway so i started to get confindent and decided i was no longer in the mood for a nice lazy skate but was gunna turn my self into an olympic ice skating sprinter!it was great i felt like i was flying....flying...and then bang straight into the wall!im still trying to breathe properly!
anyway my dear friends if that wasnt enough excitement for the day spent the night at my cuzins house with a whole bunch of other cuzins and at 2 in the morning decided to revisit my gymnast days!
yes i attemted to do the splits!OUCH! but oh no not just once but four times, and actually im quite good, i get really close to the floor. i followe tht near succes by trying to prove to my dear family that i couldt still go from standing in to a crab!
the results of all the tom foolery is that i can no longer walk up or down stairs without doubling over in intense pain. standing or sitting isnt too easy either!
now onto the sad section of my blog!
my parents have gone to bangladesh!they deicded last week, booked their tickets and have scapered!having a fab time, (not that i begrudge their happiness, i just wish they could have included me into their plans is all)
easter in practically over!i have to go bak to smelly manchetser!oh how the depression begins to weave its way into my veins
i hereby re-title this blog
memoirs of a wandering soul
and yes i fell! TWICE! and it hurt, oh so bad but falling is part of the fun!the first time i fell within minutes of descending upon the ice, ryt on my bottom, but lucky for me it was a cushioned fall, so not to bad, but my hands hurt alot!
second time was completely not my fault, was helping one of the cuzins to skate and gave her strict instructions that if she were to fall she must, i repeat MUST let go of my hand and not take me down with her!this was not a war situation i felt no need to try and save her at my own risk!
but did she listen? no!
she fell flat on her back and while i was trying not to fall backwards with her lent foward and lost my balance and lay on my face!
ah the site! but agen all a part of the fun!
anyway so i started to get confindent and decided i was no longer in the mood for a nice lazy skate but was gunna turn my self into an olympic ice skating sprinter!it was great i felt like i was flying....flying...and then bang straight into the wall!im still trying to breathe properly!
anyway my dear friends if that wasnt enough excitement for the day spent the night at my cuzins house with a whole bunch of other cuzins and at 2 in the morning decided to revisit my gymnast days!
yes i attemted to do the splits!OUCH! but oh no not just once but four times, and actually im quite good, i get really close to the floor. i followe tht near succes by trying to prove to my dear family that i couldt still go from standing in to a crab!
the results of all the tom foolery is that i can no longer walk up or down stairs without doubling over in intense pain. standing or sitting isnt too easy either!
now onto the sad section of my blog!
my parents have gone to bangladesh!they deicded last week, booked their tickets and have scapered!having a fab time, (not that i begrudge their happiness, i just wish they could have included me into their plans is all)
easter in practically over!i have to go bak to smelly manchetser!oh how the depression begins to weave its way into my veins
i hereby re-title this blog
memoirs of a wandering soul
Sunday, 1 April 2007
namesake film review
wtchd this arty asien/english fiml today called namesake
when i first got out the moview cudnt explain how crap i thought it was but actually now thinking bout it maybe it ws o.k
lyk it had really beautiful messages, really beautiful lines, it ws slow and very REAL , there ws a beautiful love story, it wsnt exciting or emotional or tumultouse, it was slow and real, its the best way i can describe it, a calm growing love!
i think it wud have been better as a book, a bit to slow for a film!
so go wtch it fully loaded with my thoughts on it
its bengali, lots of bengali speaking but mostly english, that part ws nice
BUT OMG ASIEN MARRIED PPL DID IT!!!!IM SO SCARRED!FRESHY MARRIED OLD ASIEN PPL IT SHOWD THEM DO IT!!!!I COVERED MY EYES I CUDNT COPE
aisen ppl dont do that!they dnt do those things!its crazy ive seen millions of english films and it dusnt bother me bu wtchn aisen ppl it was just wrong!
when i first got out the moview cudnt explain how crap i thought it was but actually now thinking bout it maybe it ws o.k
lyk it had really beautiful messages, really beautiful lines, it ws slow and very REAL , there ws a beautiful love story, it wsnt exciting or emotional or tumultouse, it was slow and real, its the best way i can describe it, a calm growing love!
i think it wud have been better as a book, a bit to slow for a film!
so go wtch it fully loaded with my thoughts on it
its bengali, lots of bengali speaking but mostly english, that part ws nice
BUT OMG ASIEN MARRIED PPL DID IT!!!!IM SO SCARRED!FRESHY MARRIED OLD ASIEN PPL IT SHOWD THEM DO IT!!!!I COVERED MY EYES I CUDNT COPE
aisen ppl dont do that!they dnt do those things!its crazy ive seen millions of english films and it dusnt bother me bu wtchn aisen ppl it was just wrong!
Saturday, 31 March 2007
happy days!
this is gonna be a truly happy entry!!!!!!
so heres a blog dedicated to all the happy things in life;
i love being home, i love my family, i love my alisha,
ive been shopping bought beautiful new clothes,
lost weight(the best thing)
heres all the NEW things iv done in a week!
had a belly dancing class, omg it hurt, my stomach hurt so bad!but its totally wiked and i think now im a seductress!wink wink!
went to a pilates class, did strange things with my body that will apparently help to strengthen my muscles and give me good posture!i felt well posh, like a new age modern women!
although during the class aside from the very strange movements it didnt feel at all like hard work, HAH! it was a trick coz for the last 2 days iv not been able to laugh or cough without bending over in pain!but this is not a complaint still smiling!
next week!
going to a spinning class, (the most intense excersize class known to man) apparently u can loose a couple of pounds per class! im scared, i may die, but oh it will be worth it!even tho i will be completely debilitated after so will prob put the weight bak on!
hm nothing else i can think of to report on...
so tara for now
so heres a blog dedicated to all the happy things in life;
i love being home, i love my family, i love my alisha,
ive been shopping bought beautiful new clothes,
lost weight(the best thing)
heres all the NEW things iv done in a week!
had a belly dancing class, omg it hurt, my stomach hurt so bad!but its totally wiked and i think now im a seductress!wink wink!
went to a pilates class, did strange things with my body that will apparently help to strengthen my muscles and give me good posture!i felt well posh, like a new age modern women!
although during the class aside from the very strange movements it didnt feel at all like hard work, HAH! it was a trick coz for the last 2 days iv not been able to laugh or cough without bending over in pain!but this is not a complaint still smiling!
next week!
going to a spinning class, (the most intense excersize class known to man) apparently u can loose a couple of pounds per class! im scared, i may die, but oh it will be worth it!even tho i will be completely debilitated after so will prob put the weight bak on!
hm nothing else i can think of to report on...
so tara for now
Friday, 30 March 2007
bouts of deprssion
actually will strt with the gud news, i spoke to shaykh riyad al haq i cnt believe he wud tok to sum low person like me i mean who am i?im crap yet he had time to speak to me and discuss the world of tariq ramadan that man has taken over my life!
may Allah reward the good shaykh!
o.k now about the depression i think it manifests in my sleeping patterns. i cannot for the life of me sleep at a reasonable hour. i think i dread sleep coz i knw that then there will b a new day, a new day closer to all my stupid deadlines!
if i was a glass half full person (which i normally am or at least use to be) i would see that every new day wud b a day closer to finishing this crap degree! but im not, im self pitying and wallow in my own grief, depression makes me frustrated and coz im frustrated im depressed, ah life!
omg i have like an over the email argument with my lecturer who is not only marking my dissertation but another 20 credit module!im officially guna fail now!
i loe being home i love my family but i am ready for the next stage in my life the whole marriage kids thing
im 21!!!!!!!!!21 and no baby i mean my biological clock is ticking! tick tock! did u know a women is born with all her eggs, no more new ones are created so with every month that passes im loosing potential babies!
omg i sound like a psyco bunny boiler woemn!!
im not i would just love a family of my own, but my current family are not interested!
they dnt wnt me to marry until im lyk 25, at which point il b to old and ugly for anyone to marry!
my family have refused every proposal that comes for me! im nervous about them to and i really dnt wana move but i have to marry sumday and if they keep saying no, i mean il run out of options, il have to marry a freshy, i dnt mind freshys but hw r they guna support me and my 7 kids and theyl have a freshy style of Islam which involves lokn me in the house! and calling me a modern muslim!aaaaaaghhhhhhh i hate that term!
my only joy now is my baby alisha!shes honestly a ray of sunshine shes always laughing and joking, her happiness has no ends, thats also becoz i spoil her rotten and giver he ahything she wnts!i sing and dance and jump around like a mad loonatic just to get her to eadt one bit of food!
oh man i have to sleep
will leave these mad thoughts for now
much love, make dua i learn to get happy, not just bouts of it but an inner fulfilment!
x
may Allah reward the good shaykh!
o.k now about the depression i think it manifests in my sleeping patterns. i cannot for the life of me sleep at a reasonable hour. i think i dread sleep coz i knw that then there will b a new day, a new day closer to all my stupid deadlines!
if i was a glass half full person (which i normally am or at least use to be) i would see that every new day wud b a day closer to finishing this crap degree! but im not, im self pitying and wallow in my own grief, depression makes me frustrated and coz im frustrated im depressed, ah life!
omg i have like an over the email argument with my lecturer who is not only marking my dissertation but another 20 credit module!im officially guna fail now!
i loe being home i love my family but i am ready for the next stage in my life the whole marriage kids thing
im 21!!!!!!!!!21 and no baby i mean my biological clock is ticking! tick tock! did u know a women is born with all her eggs, no more new ones are created so with every month that passes im loosing potential babies!
omg i sound like a psyco bunny boiler woemn!!
im not i would just love a family of my own, but my current family are not interested!
they dnt wnt me to marry until im lyk 25, at which point il b to old and ugly for anyone to marry!
my family have refused every proposal that comes for me! im nervous about them to and i really dnt wana move but i have to marry sumday and if they keep saying no, i mean il run out of options, il have to marry a freshy, i dnt mind freshys but hw r they guna support me and my 7 kids and theyl have a freshy style of Islam which involves lokn me in the house! and calling me a modern muslim!aaaaaaghhhhhhh i hate that term!
my only joy now is my baby alisha!shes honestly a ray of sunshine shes always laughing and joking, her happiness has no ends, thats also becoz i spoil her rotten and giver he ahything she wnts!i sing and dance and jump around like a mad loonatic just to get her to eadt one bit of food!
oh man i have to sleep
will leave these mad thoughts for now
much love, make dua i learn to get happy, not just bouts of it but an inner fulfilment!
x
Tuesday, 27 March 2007
greatest high and stupidest low
i was really happy for a bit, like ecstatically so, but stupid bloody freaky lecturer who shall not be stupid bloody be name coz hes creepy and will prob somehow have this blog adress and be checkn up my every move but i officially hate him!!!!!!!
i used to hate him in my first yr then ppl were sayn that hes o.k so then i strtd being polite but still weary of him. this yr he ws beign super nice while slowly melting the hate i felt for him, i ws still suspicious of his evil face but strtd to warm to this freaky awful bloke, then he emailed me today with the rudest email iv ever recieved ruining my seconds before amazing high of happiness!!!!!
what i was gonna wirte about to day was my happy news!!!!oh my gosh its to amazing for words. so i emailed shaykh riyadh al haq the toher, thanx kaifa got the website from ur blog, about my dissertation asking if he could email me anything he feels on tariq ramadan, but the shaykh himself has emailed back requesting that i ring and speak to him about the matter!!!!!!!
can anyone believe it im so..........in awe and actually terified omg what my gunna say, what if i get to embaressed to speak????
il have to talk mono tone to him i dotn know hot to talk omno tone i dont think im capable
any advice and tips would be gr8!!!
other news:
im home!!!!!!!im in newcastle with my family and my little baby alisha, she so cute, and been havn a fab time going out so busy not even obsessing about food!
wohooooooo inshallah will loose some weight just a few pounds, bought some new clothes cute tops
anyhow mothers home prob guna get yelled at for sumit so leave it here for today
mwah
xxxxxxx
i used to hate him in my first yr then ppl were sayn that hes o.k so then i strtd being polite but still weary of him. this yr he ws beign super nice while slowly melting the hate i felt for him, i ws still suspicious of his evil face but strtd to warm to this freaky awful bloke, then he emailed me today with the rudest email iv ever recieved ruining my seconds before amazing high of happiness!!!!!
what i was gonna wirte about to day was my happy news!!!!oh my gosh its to amazing for words. so i emailed shaykh riyadh al haq the toher, thanx kaifa got the website from ur blog, about my dissertation asking if he could email me anything he feels on tariq ramadan, but the shaykh himself has emailed back requesting that i ring and speak to him about the matter!!!!!!!
can anyone believe it im so..........in awe and actually terified omg what my gunna say, what if i get to embaressed to speak????
il have to talk mono tone to him i dotn know hot to talk omno tone i dont think im capable
any advice and tips would be gr8!!!
other news:
im home!!!!!!!im in newcastle with my family and my little baby alisha, she so cute, and been havn a fab time going out so busy not even obsessing about food!
wohooooooo inshallah will loose some weight just a few pounds, bought some new clothes cute tops
anyhow mothers home prob guna get yelled at for sumit so leave it here for today
mwah
xxxxxxx
Thursday, 22 March 2007
chocalate?
heres my question to the world!
why has nobody created fat free chocalate?
i mean we can fly people to the moon, take pictures of mars, replace someones crap heart with some other dead persons good heart (how can a dead perosn have a good heart?)
anyway catch my drift, oh and japan has created robots that do stuff
so why oh why, my oh my he he
oh my point hang on im getting to it
right why hasnt nayone created fat free chocalate?? it really cant be that hard,
well theres my grumblings for the day
therz also my usual dissertation crap, arabic crap,
oh guess what i feel proper important i emailed tariq ramadan yesterday asking him why he speaks so that the average dumb ass in britian wouldnt understand a word he says when it them that he wants to get up and create a revolution?coz lets face it us dumb asses are msot of the population fo this country, there arnt that many people who wake up in the morning and use a 5 syllable word,
then i emailed shakyh riyadh ul haq asking him what he thinks about mr ramadan
i wonder if any of these important ppl will email bak???
im parleying with the big chiefs, please email me back oh big people!!!!
why has nobody created fat free chocalate?
i mean we can fly people to the moon, take pictures of mars, replace someones crap heart with some other dead persons good heart (how can a dead perosn have a good heart?)
anyway catch my drift, oh and japan has created robots that do stuff
so why oh why, my oh my he he
oh my point hang on im getting to it
right why hasnt nayone created fat free chocalate?? it really cant be that hard,
well theres my grumblings for the day
therz also my usual dissertation crap, arabic crap,
oh guess what i feel proper important i emailed tariq ramadan yesterday asking him why he speaks so that the average dumb ass in britian wouldnt understand a word he says when it them that he wants to get up and create a revolution?coz lets face it us dumb asses are msot of the population fo this country, there arnt that many people who wake up in the morning and use a 5 syllable word,
then i emailed shakyh riyadh ul haq asking him what he thinks about mr ramadan
i wonder if any of these important ppl will email bak???
im parleying with the big chiefs, please email me back oh big people!!!!
Wednesday, 21 March 2007
im in my final year of my final semester of uni, and everyone along with my self is wondering why i chose NOW to waste preciouse studyign time to join this trip down memory lane of a website!?answer: i have a serious condition, a terrible mental defect where i do everything in my power to avoid studying while simultaneously haveing heart attacks, panick attacks, and episodes of coplete paralysis due to the stress of NOT DOING ANY WORK in my final semester of my final year!phew!
how comes there aint even a nice shade of pink wots dat all about
u know wot this computer e diary stuff is complex, i already wrote a blog then somehow deleted it
dont have the energy to write it agen
currently feeling very stressed, have a funny burning sensation in my back think its another stress manifestation me thinks!
anyhow ciao for now
xxxxxxxx
how comes there aint even a nice shade of pink wots dat all about
u know wot this computer e diary stuff is complex, i already wrote a blog then somehow deleted it
dont have the energy to write it agen
currently feeling very stressed, have a funny burning sensation in my back think its another stress manifestation me thinks!
anyhow ciao for now
xxxxxxxx
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